If you have been keeping up with the faith chronicles of my
life this year, you already know the latest gossip; word on the street is I
lost it all. Compliments of myself, your welcome!
I thought I did it all right, they said I didn’t speak well,
so I took harder classes and corrected my grammar. They also said I’d never be
a writer, welp, if I am not writing this post then we are all delusional! I was
told that success would never be mine and I shouldn’t fight for better, here I
stand in the ring. I had been told all these things and I had finally pushed
passed them the day I graduated. No, millions of dollars did not fall out of
the sky after my seven-year collegiate career, but social acceptance did! I
thought I had fought the great fight. I thought I had finished the race! I was
ready to hear “well done, good and faithful servant.” I pushed the cruise control
button and was ready to kick up my feet. Surely, I shown myself strong during
the storm, right?
Wrong!
Yes, my childhood years were brutal and so were my teens,
but that adversity did not exclude me from upcoming trials and tribulations.
Only thing interesting about revelation is catching it too late, I had two
front row seats on an emotional roller coaster (no Vivian Greene) yet, ya girl
was late for the ride -à
(Vivian Green
Emotional Rollercoaster).
Storms, adversity and affliction are inevitable, yet if you
could only imagine the look on my face when things began to fall apart, you
would have thought I was new to this and not true to this. Since the streets
are talking, I want to clear somethings up.
1.
I didn’t do anything wrong
When things go contrary to the vision, most
people will ask “what did you do” to get here? Some are honest and will admit
their faults while others will look dumbfounded and say “NOTHING”. I happen to
be a part of that small number of people who did “NOTHING, but..” I say but
because I did do something but not what most would consider worth chastening.
2.
Say “Yes”.
One night, many years before this account,
actually while I was in a group home (long story, different day) I dreamt I was
publicly speaking to a group of people. I thought that vision was strange,
there I was just taken away from my home due to lack luster parenting (all
parties have been forgiven) and in the midst of fighting tears for rest, I was
dreaming about talking to people. I accepted that vision and held it close to
me throughout the remainder of the custody battle between the state versus my
mother. She won the case, and I was on a mission. From that day I began to say
“yes” to the vision and not my reality.
3.
But God…
I used to think, “But God” was a grammar
error when it came to sentences, but then I elevated in faith and realized “But
God” needed its own terminology, literary conventions and theoretical
approaches. When “But God” is used, it’s the last thing said. It’s like laying
down all this wood in the fire place, grabbing the marsh mellows and gathering
the family around and then seeking the matches. Well, at that point, it’s a bit
late, BUT GOD!! What if you can’t find the matches, what if it rains, what if
the wood is terrible and the fire can’t be started? Will this event be any less
than a family gathering or is it falling short of the “fire pit” glory?
In this life, and on this journey, you need “faith to
finish”. I needed faith to finish, while in the midst of it all. I knew people
would talk, so instead of false rumors or overly embellished accounts of
nothingness, I figured I’d spin it for truth like my Olivia Pope (sad they
cancelled the show). I also knew I would have to silence the voices that spoke
over me in my earlier days. I didn’t want to become great because someone said,
“I wouldn’t,” I wanted to be great in the very areas the Lord showed me where I
would be great. Surprisingly, those areas where areas I had no pure desire to be
in, yet here I am. I saw the vision and thought I could do it on my own, I
always knew that there would come a time of wilderness and I would have to
choose between roots or wavering. I chose roots, I said yes! Little did I know
my private “yes” would become a visible declaration for Christ. While having
“faith to finish” you must remember your source, and “But God” was it. When I
lost the job, despite my annoyance and all the loveless emotions that followed,
I had to shout, “But God”. When I was ghosted by that FIONEE brotha, “But God”.
When I don’t feel like I am doing my very best despite the lack of rest, busy
schedule and monthly bills “But God”. I had become the “But God” queen and I
couldn’t be told otherwise.
This faith, this journey, this life isn’t a “one hitter
quitter”. It is a “get knocked down, get back up, duck, swing, wait, stand…..
stand some more, praise. Oh, rinse and repeat in a different sequence because
the enemy is like a roaring lion looking for whom he may (totally optional) devour” type walk. We will never be excluded
from the trial and tribulation, but the good news is, it won’t prosper! There
is nothing we can do the be exempt, but we can prepare and stand. We prepare
and stand by being rooted and believing in our hearts that there is nothing
that will take us out. I know it sounds tough but once you do it, it becomes
easier. Start looking at pain as promise, strife as success and brokenness as
wholeness. Allow the streets to talk while you become the best version of
yourself and when the time comes, help the next person thrive in building their
“faith to finish.” Remember, faith is not by sight but by believing, as in
whatever you believe will manifest. And for those who believe trial and
tribulation is brought on by back slidden behavior or you must do something to
be afflicted, please read genesis through revelations. As for those who are holding on their very
last, and praying for more do you have the faith to finish?
Until next time,
Sara J.
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