It was 4:15 am when I was startled from my sleep. I could
only think of two reasons why I needed to be up, one of them was to pray and
the other was answered prayers, meaning there was something pressing on my
heart that needed to be expressed. I had learned a valuable lesson over the past
couple of days and that had to be shared. They say the truth shall set you free, and no pain is wasted, so here it goes...
Listen, too many times we get so caught up in the physical that
we forget the emotional and spiritual. When I suggest putting a guard on your
heart, I literally mean build the proper boundaries (not walls) around your
precious cargo and only compromise when the time is right. Growing up I was not
taught about boundaries, we were savage, so we took what we could and held on
to what we had. Although we always had something, that something wasn’t always
what we needed. Although those skills of
savagery were great for survival, when operating in lifestyle that mentality does
not work (ask me how I know). Therefore, it is important to discover boundaries,
so you can discover what we want and establish what we need.
2. Steer Clear Of “Caught Up”
Ladies, it is so important to not get emotionally caught up
where you’re not supposed to. I know how hard it can be when you have someone
paying you attention, but all attention ain't good attention (right ?!). I also
understand wanting attention, but again all attention ain't good attention. We must
be more intentional about the attention we want and need. We must be more aware
of the consequences than the instant gratification.
There have been so
many times when I have wanted something from someone and never received it.
Why? Because they didn’t want to give it to me. Now that I look back, it was
great that they I they didn’t give it to me, but it was even better that I walked
away prior to finding out they were not capable of giving it to me. Ladies, do
not let your heart take you places emotionally that others are not wiling to go
with you. Meaning, if someone is interested in you they will let you know. Now here’s
the kicker, even if they are interested in you, that doesn’t mean they want to
be with you. (COMPLETE SHOCKER). I am a firm believer of people knowing what
they want. Do not fall for the “I don’t know what I want right now”, that’s game
and you will lose (Sorry Sis). If they don’t know what they want right now,
they might not know what they want later, and believe you me, sticking around
being hoping ain't the answer either. It is okay to walk away! Do not allow yourself
to be emotionally caught up in a web that Charlotte wont even spin.
3. Everybody is Capable of Everything
This is a fact. Ladies, if you are wondering why a man isn’t
doing enough to keep you or you feel like you deserve more than what he is giving
you its best that you run. Flee… and I mean sprint from the situationship, relationship,
“its complicated or “it’s interesting” thing. Of course, this isn’t an “all for
one preach” its case by case, but 90% of the cases deserve a strong, heel
tapping, walk away. (sorry fellas) I know we have all seen or heard of the
story, where there is a chick that did all this work for her man and then he
left her (no matter how many times it happens, it’s still a shocker). Most woman
ask the daunting question “why he didn’t do all those things for me” or say “I
deserve to be living that life, after all the work I put in” or “he said he
wanted all these things, and I possess all those things” and still wonder why we
aren’t getting any act right.
I used to get approached on some “fun girl” type
stuff and right after the fun was had, these clowns would be in a relationship
(I say clown in the kindest way). After this happened like a bahh-gillion
times, I began to wonder what was wrong with me.. Than it dawned on me like a
sweltering summer day in the middle of December (strange Atlanta weather) guys do
what they want to do for who they want to do for. (slight mic drop) Meaning,
ain't no schooling (amount of degrees), beauty (you could be Bey’ Bad), sexual
favor (from the back and the side) or weave (edges laid, lace front poppin) going to make a man act right if that’s not what he wants to do. PERIOD!
So, I had to stop sticking around hoping he was going to
change, I had to pick up what pride I had left and walk away. I had to set the guard
on my heart and not allow myself to get emotionally caught up in a dark abyss
of lies, trust issues and rejection. I had to realize that I wasn’t going to be
“The One” for everyone. I had to discern between his vision of me and my vision
of me. I had to learn to be okay that I wasn’t chosen and know that I was still
worth being chosen. I had to know my worth and be prepared to walk away from great
laughter, shared moments and vulnerability. I had to learn to express myself even
when I thought I might look or sound crazy (because there is nothing like an emotionally
attached woman expressing herself to an emotionally UNattached man) Kinda embarrassing,
but who cares. I had to get tired of caring, and mathematically calculating my
failed attempts. I had to realize that men were capable of everything and only
certain people, pulled greatest out of them. I had to be okay if I wasn’t that
person that pulled the greatest out of him. I had to accept my truth and walk
in purpose, on purpose with intentionality and boundaries.
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