The Things I Lost...



If the work force in the "land of the free and home of the brave" has taught me anything, it should be written "pursue your dreams in the late-night hours and make those who are living their dream rich in the day time hours". I can’t be sure if that resonates for every reader but for those who are transitioning from job to job or from executive to absolutely nothing but a small severance for your dedication, loss of time with family and everything else, you know EXACTLY where I am going with this. The point that I would like to make rather quickly is there is purpose in every position. A blessing in every burden.

At this current moment, I am unemployed due to a lack of perceived growth in the eyes of my previous employer. True enough, I was dedicated and worked crazy hours. I even traveled the country to places I could barely pronounce. I missed birthdays and events but I gained wisdom and knowledge. I was undervalued by the system, overlooked by the company and blind to my purpose in life. I was such a servant and I hung onto every word that landed on my ears. Those words were like ropes that were neatly tied around my destiny and as I hung, my destiny did to.
The point is, I could never be mad at my previous employer for seeing greatness in me that I forgot to see in myself. My destiny that had been put in me at birth, skills that couldn’t be taught in schools and most importantly purpose that will change lives. A purpose that I obviously let linger without any regard, as long as my check cleared. I was paid well enough to buy a new home, the car of my dreams and vacation whenever. I had the company car, the card and the office equipment at my side and those things were so big to me, and my dreams became so small to me. In all transparency, I enjoyed being paid to forget the previous pain of not having.  I lived the true life of a gypsy without nothing therefore I would like to believe most of the worlds "strugglers" would agree with this notion too. But that is not the purpose of the message, it’s not about the money that we are getting paid to not struggle, it’s about the money we are getting paid to forget our purpose. And no, I do not believe companies and employers sit in their offices and come up with this nasty plan to bleed you dry of your purpose, (although if that were the case, I would not be shocked) but one should ask what their value is and measure that up against their pay check. Ten times out of ten, we are not making our self-worth and that is what life is all about. Being valued and adding value in every aspect of life. I was being reduced day by day unknowingly but willingly. I loved being able to provide in areas or during times when previously that was not the case. I was intoxicated by this new-found ability to provide, afford and spend.
In those materialistic moments, I was happy but in plain sight I was buying my dignity, my recollection and my passion to purpose.  While sitting in the human resources office, I knew the inevitable was coming. I had toyed around in this position for far too long. God was calling me out of my job because there was more work to be done elsewhere. I had shifted the perception of young black women in the work force and gracefully took their no for Gods yes!
If I haven’t made myself clear, I want to tell you that the worlds NO is Gods YES. It’s simple, I would never become who the company wanted me to be. It’s not that it was impossible or too hard for me to shift into that person, but I did not fit. I was willing to become the person the company needed me to be but God wanted to do so much more. I wanted to become that person to secure my ability to provide but He would not allow me to continue to squeeze myself into a box that was not designed for me to fit into. He would not allow the money, company perks or false freedom to consume me at the cost of the destiny being relinquished. So, if you are experiencing this season or have witnessed someone going through something similar please let them know the best it yet to come. Do the things that make you happy because happiness cannot be bought nor transferred. Be sensitive to His will and hold on tight to who you are in him and not man’s understanding of who they want you to be. Experience God in every aspect, a provider, a giver, your peace and joy. Happiness is in the pursuit of purpose, therefore get back to the basics and accept that God has more for you.

Writers note: I wrote this April 5, 2017 and so much has changed. I wish I could tell you that its been easy and I have my dream job in tote but that is not the case. I sold my home, wreaked my car, repaired some friendships and severed some soul ties. I gave away ALL my furniture away  and enrolled in at SNHU (creative writing degree). I know it sounds like nothing has shift but I still have my health, and that keeps me fight.  Just a year ago I was hanging with family and friends and now I am fighting for my happiness, reaching towards my destiny. I have strong faith in the promise's of God. I am not ashamed of my process nor will I rush my process. God never said there wouldn't be trials and tribulations, but He did promise that the weapons that form would not prosper. Keep the faith and know who's you are.

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