Soooooo… Here’s the disclaimer. Self-celebration is NOT self-worship,
it is resolve. It is necessary, and it teaches us how to love our neighbors as
we love ourselves. We must love ourselves, inside and out. The good, the bad
and the UGLY! There are many ways to reach the destination of self-celebration,
but I’d like to share my very route in hopes that you too can better select the
proper to self love and celebration.
When I was younger, I remember birthdays being a big deal in
my household. I remember my father playing a large role in selecting gifts and early
morning wake up calls but shortly after my parents divorced, that all changed.
Once my mother became a single mother with a live in boy friend who held ZERO responsibilities,
a lot of things changed. Most of all, birthdays changed. It was as if birthdays
were just another day on the calendar, bound to come and go.
I’ll never forget the first time I heard the radio ad for “UNIVER
SOUULLLLLLL Circus” on Hot 107.9. I was soooooo excited, that I would ask my
mother and father every year. Of course, my mother would say “maybe” or “we
will see” and when my birthday arrived, the only thing I would see was let down
and disappointment. I had been asking since I was eight and by the time I
turned fourteen, I just stopped asking. I just knew I would never get to see
the circus and at a young age, I learned that no matter my wants and needs, somethings
would never be mine.
Sadly, this very disappointment unknowingly began to spill
in other areas of my life. It went from deciding where I wanted to spend my birthdays
to hardy wanting to celebrate at all. As I got older, I began to accept what
others gave even though I didn’t like the gift. I would accept plans that were
pushed on me instead of speaking up or doing what I wanted to do. This was all
fine and dandy until one Christmas in my early twenties, I had HAD enough!
Christmas in my family is very bootlegged and slightly
janky, but that does not take away the fact that there is much love in the
building. This Christmas my mother went to a flea market to get our gifts. I was
NOT excited, but I decided that I would be grateful for whatever she got me. Its
tradition to sit in the chair by the tree and in front of the camera and open
your gifts. If you know me personally, you know I am not one who can hide my
facial expressions. When it was my turn to open my gift, I nervously walked up
to chair and looked the camera dead in its eyes. I ripped the box open like a
child eager for a barbie and to my underwhelming surprise, it was leggings with
false pockets. I looked at my mother and looked at the gift. I got up and threw
it away. I silently walked back to the couch.
Now, I know that sounds extreme but that’s what happens when
you have been short changed all your life and you finally believe you deserve
more. At the time, I didn’t know the magnitude of my actions but now I see me
being free in my worth and ability to love myself. I was no longer able to
accept just any ol thang, nor was I able to save face for the person who would
give me any ol thang. That Christmas something shifted in my esteem and I was no
longer able to take credit when the transaction called for cash.
What does self-celebration have to do with self- love? I thought
you’d never ask, but I am glad you did. When we are deprived the chance to
celebrate self, our self-love lens is skewed. We tend to measure how others
treat us as a measuring stick for our self-love. When we struggle with loving
self because all we know is disappointments, shame and frustration, it is extremely
hard to our neighbors.
I have made a commitment to be careful of what I accept, and
I am intentional about the things I give. I had to learn the hard way that self-love
and self-celebration is necessary in this walk with Christ and people. I had to
learn that I didn’t have to take what was on the table, I learned to make special
requests. I had to let old friends go and accept new people in my life. I had to
walk away from familiar things to get to the new things. I had to love me more
than others thought I deserved and more than what they were willing to give me.
I had to learn the art of self-love on the strength of myself. By no means am I
suggesting that we worship the very ground that we walk on, but I am suggesting
that we take time to acknowledge what the world has to offer and size it up
against what we deserve or desire.
There is no shame in loving yourself as it is the route to
loving your neighbor. Also, there is freedom in self-celebration and there is
no shame in truth.
Until next time,
Sara J.
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